My Year Abroad at Columbia University 2023/24: Written by Queen Mary University of London English student, Chawana.

Breathe in. Breathe out…at least that’s what I was trying to do as I read my offer, but in reality, I was silently freaking out, and frantically calling my mum crying in my dorm room as I read the following:

14.12.2022

Dear Chawana,

The Global Opportunities team (GO team) is delighted to inform you that you have been selected to participate in the Queen Mary University of London Student Exchange Programme for a study placement exchange at Columbia University…

Eighteen months later, I still remember how shocked I was that I had gotten into my first choice, let alone it being an Ivy League university; for a split second I thought I read that the GO office was sending me to the country Colombia, because I didn’t quite believe that I could get into such a prestigious institution.

For the majority of my second year of university, I was nervous in announcing my acceptance to close friends and family, not because I was nervous of going for the year, rather, there seemed to be a disconnect within myself whenever I said it aloud; it was as if I could not believe I could be a student at Columbia University.

But why?

A question my mum often asked me, and unfortunately tagged along in the back of mind as I was greeted by the blistering heat of New York summer, to officially begin my exchange in late August 2023. Rationally, it made sense; I had gotten consistently good grades throughout the first half of my degree at Queen Mary’s, and the Global Opportunities office had clearly seen something in me to offer me the placement, so why did I still feel so out of place during the early stages of my exchange?

Fast-forward to October 2023.

I was browsing through my Columbia email, and a particular message sent by their International Students and Scholars Office caught my eye:

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome | Wednesday, October 25
What is imposter syndrome and why do so many of us experience it? Learn about the signs and causes of imposter syndrome and gain tools to feel more confident at this workshop…

Admittedly, I never attended that webinar. Maybe it was the nerves or slight shame I felt to be feeling this way when such a great thing was happening for me; I’ll never be too sure which one that caused me to hesitate. Nevertheless, it did encourage me to research more into it, which resulted in finding solace in the fact that I could finally deduce and confront this incessant source of anxiety; I had Imposter Syndrome.

So, what is this phenomenon exactly? Essentially, it is where an individual will doubt oneself and their ability when faced with an achievement, or a high level of success. You will often feel like a “fraud” in this space, albeit in the workplace, an event, or a particular education institution. Despite rightfully earning your spot and showcasing full competence for your place, you seldom feel comfortable with the idea that you truly deserve it. This did not feel good to learn, even more so to realise I resonated with such a definition. However, I was resolved about one thing. Imposter Syndrome would no longer define me, or my experience at Columbia.

Subsequently, I began talking to my friends who were also on the study exchange year at the same university and found that I was not the only one struggling with the confidence in my ability to handle the volume of coursework and participate as affluently as our American peers in seminars. On one hand, this gave me a sense of reassurance that I was not the only one feeling this way, but through these discussions, it made me reflect on why I initially wanted to do a year abroad before I came to New York or started university. I pursued this experience to broaden my horizons physically, mentally and academically. I knew there was so much Columbia could offer me in terms of the flexible American education system of studying subjects outside of your discipline, and the opportunities being in North America would offer me, in terms of my personal hobbies and interests! I have always been a person to go after something I want, so now that I had worked so hard to finally have it, who was I to be the one to block my own blessing?

Although the adjustment of a new country, university and entirely different culture took me the first semester to fully adjust to, I embraced those challenges with the mindset that I would be proud of the person I was going be when I had overcome them. This required me to go out of my comfort zone, whilst nerve-wracking at first, it was completely worth it as I joined the (largest) dance society on the Morningside campus: Orchesis, participating in both the Fall and Spring shows! I am unbelievably happy that I did this, as I promised myself that I would enjoy this year by prioritising a (sadly abandoned) hobby of mine alongside my studies. During dance practices, I found that I could relax from particularly challenging weeks by forming new friendships, and trying out new dance styles! I am forever grateful to each person, and dance choreographer that kept that society going and thriving, week after week!

Moreover, I got to travel to New Jersey in late October and explore upstate New York in early March with my bible study group on a couple of retreats, which was an amazing opportunity to encounter the more rural though equally beautiful areas of New York City, and the East Coast had to offer.

I couldn’t go to New York and not see a Broadway show, if there was anything on my NYC bucket list, it was that…little did I know I would be lucky enough to see four! In total I saw ‘Sweeney Todd’, ‘Wicked’, ‘Six’, and ‘The Notebook: The Musical’ live! If you have not heard/seen these shows I would highly recommend them if you are going to New York!

Moreover, in the height of my spring semester, I managed to win tickets to the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon in April, and somehow managed to be seated front row, and see Janet Jackson?!! Photos were not permitted whilst we were in the studio, but I promise it happened, I’m still in disbelief that she was standing just a few metres away from me, to this day! As I was a recipient of Queen Mary’s GO Abroad bursary, this was a big help in being able to travel to and participate in such activities!

Additionally, with the help of the Turing Scheme, I was able to go see and stay with my relatives that live in Florida for the first time, for a few days. I loved having the chance to go out of state and see family after being away from all that was familiar to me for so long; I will always cherish those few days that were filled with baking cakes, bread and eating delicious Haitian dishes prepared by my aunt!

Furthermore, as I look back on my academic journey at Columbia, I think of my year there fondly as I was able to see my confidence in my abilities as a scholar flourish. As an English student, I immediately latched onto the chance to be in classes in areas of the subject that Queen Mary had piqued my interest in during my second year, one of these being Contemporary Fiction, as well as venturing out to learning about the Harlem Renaissance and reading African American literature, to translations of Persian poetry, as well as reading fairy tales through the lens of psychoanalytic, and feminist critical theories. Across these classes I managed to create my first passion project pertaining to literature, as a final assignment, and I received a lot of inspiration for my upcoming dissertation, which I will be starting in September; wish me luck!

Above all, I fell in love with my degree all over again by having access to such a rich and diverse curriculum and learning from teachers that you could see truly love what they teach, as they encouraged us to develop our voice in and out of the classroom. By the end of the year, I was enthusiastically participating in my seminars, and received grades and constructive feedback on my essays that I was very pleased with.

However, none of this would have been possible if I had allowed my initial worries, doubts and fears overwhelm me; and I’m so happy that I didn’t! If you are reading this and you have just put Columbia, another Ivy League School or renowned institution as your first choice, or have just received an offer you never thought you would get, I can tell you from firsthand experience to go there with your head held high! These institutions are only able to flourish and have their great accolades because of bright and inquisitive individuals such as yourself. You deserve this place, and more importantly you belong there. Don’t let yourself tell you any different, because you never know the adventure that lies ahead for you.

Take my word for it!